Communication is the heart of any successful marriage, but owning a small business adds a whole new element of complexity.
If you’ve spent the past 12 hours putting out fires at work, for example, your company might be the last thing you want to discuss when you come home.
Like it or not, though, your business is too important not to talk about it with your loved one, said Meg Cadoux Hirshberg, the author of “For Better or For Work: A Survival Guide for Entrepreneurs and Their Families.”
Hirshberg has firsthand experience with the topic. Her husband, Gary, co-founded New Hampshire-based Stonyfield Farm, which produces organic yogurt, milk and other healthy dairy products.
It took the Hirshbergs a few years to figure out the best way to balance home life and the demands of the company. But they did it, and so can you. Meg Hirshberg shared some of the most important lessons she and her husband learned.
Know What to Share
Many spouses—not all, but many—tend to have a lower risk tolerance than their better halves. Listening to all the ups-and-downs of the business might cause them more stress than necessary.
The key, Hirshberg said, is for the couple to lay out some general ground rules in advance. If money matters are a source of stress, agree not to talk about them unless necessary.
“It’s important for the spouses to figure out, together, just what does the non-entrepreneur really want to hear about,” Hirshberg said.
“I think it’s important to share some things about the business. It could be new products or new hires or new ideas for growth. There ought to be something that can be talked about even when the financial picture is not looking that great.”
Know When to Share
There are times when talking about the business just isn’t appropriate. Let’s say a business owner has lost an important client. It’s a major blow, but he’s determined not to worry his spouse.
“But it’s on his mind,” Hirshberg said. “You know, it’s kind of chewing away at him, and then it’s time for bed. They’re in the bathroom brushing their teeth. He turns to her and says, ‘Yeah, we lost that big account today.’ That is not a good time to share bad information.”
Instead, Hirshberg recommends scheduling a regular time when the entrepreneur can update the spouse on how things are going at work.
“It prevents this kind of news from leaking out at times when it might not be so advantageous,” she said.
Know When to Change the Rules
Whatever rules you and your spouse agree to follow, you might need to revisit and revise them as the business grows up.
For example, a husband who hates hearing about the company’s finances during the rocky early days might be OK talking about money once you’re on firmer footing. A wife who normally likes to hear every detail of the company might need to take a break if she’s under a lot of stress in her job.
If you have a “no money talk” rule, you may need to throw it out if the company hits a really rough patch.
“If things continue to go poorly, well beyond expectations,” Hirshberg said, “I think it’s good for the spouses to sit down and really come up with a ‘cut-bait number,’ and that could be an amount of time. ‘Let’s give this another year, and then we’ll make a decision.’ Or it could be an amount of money.”
Remember, your spouse has a vested interest in the fate of the company, too.
“Obviously, it’s a big part of their life,” Hirshberg said, “so you really want to be able to share that with your spouse.”
