Ever noticed how often we tend to argue for our own rightness? Ever found yourself getting into it because someone else was arguing for theirs, and it became a full-blown knock-down-drag-out?
If so, you’re not alone. It seems the vast majority of us have this insatiable need to be right. There are lots of reasons we argue for our rightness, but most can be lumped into our need to be validated.
We want to be validated on how smart we are or how experienced, successful athletic or popular we are, or because we’re the boss—you get the idea. If all of us feel the need to be right, it creates pretty fertile ground for arguments.
There is, however, a question that’s been floating around for centuries that we can ask ourselves anytime a possible argument is arising: “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?”
Pretty simple question, but it’s amazing how it rarely pops into our minds when we’re in the middle of a heated debate that has signs of turning ugly.
Right and Happy?
Here’s the question I often get when talking about the Rightness Syndrome philosophy: “Why can’t I be right and happy?”
The answer is, you can. You can as long as you’re having an enjoyable conversation where each of you share in the dialogue. You can be right and happy until there’s something said that you feel the need to correct or feel might be an affront or whatever the reason is that you now feel the need to be right.
That would be the time to ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?”
Does Your Office Validate?
Another question I get is, “Aren’t I supposed to be right when I’m the boss?” Yes, you get to be right, and in the business environment, this makes perfect sense.
However, even when you are the one who has instructions to give, visions to share and people to manage, remember that those you work with still have a desire to be validated.
There are many ways to validate others, but one of the most powerful is to simply show up with an intention to listen. We often compliment and say nice things to validate, but it’s our actions that really make an impact.
If you just need to disseminate information, then do so. But if there’s any opportunity for input, then by all means listen. You may gain insights that could impact the whole project. And, by simply listening, your employees feel heard. That validation can be powerful.
Win the Battle But Lose the War?
Arguing for one’s own rightness is nearly always a losing venture. As my great-grandmother used to say, “A person changed against their will is of the same opinion still.”
So if you’re looking for more peace in your life, if you’d like to show up for others in ways that validate who they are, start asking yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?” and then listen. Asking that simple question can change lives, most noticeably your own.
