Prevent conflict at work and home by relying on agreements, not expectations.

Ever find yourself frustrated because someone didn’t meet your expectations? My guess is you have and probably more times than you’d like to admit. Most everyone I know becomes frustrated at one time or another due to unmet expectations. I know I have.

We innocently believe that expectations are what creates great results, especially in the workplace. We expect the work to be done and done on time, and yet we often fail to give really clear directions, clear outcomes or repercussions. “They know what needs to be done,” we think to ourselves. But very often they don’t.

Ho-Hum Results

Interestingly enough, when those expectations are met, we have what mightbe described as a ho-hum response. We expected something, they fulfilled our expectation and … ho-hum, they did what was expected.

So in essence, we have two types of responses to expectations. If they happen to get lucky and meet our expectations, we’re not even pleasantly surprised, just aware that those expectations were met—ho-hum. Or the expectations weren’t met, and we’re frustrated. Not the kind of options I’d like to be looking forward to most days.

What About Agreements?

What might it look like if we formed agreements instead of having expectations? First of all, agreements allow creativity where expectations create blame, and agreements are designed by those involved. They’re courageous and, as the term implies, agreed upon.

We get to discuss what the project or task looks like, come to clear understanding of times, results, materials required, etc., and bring to light what were quite possibly unknown expectations. Also, repercussions get to be discussed in case the project isn’t completed according to the agreement. Everyone’s on the same sheet of music. It’s a win-win.

Often I have people question this method, saying, “It takes too much time,” “I shouldn’t have to babysit,” “They should know their job” or countless other reasons not to invest time in creating agreements. Coming to an agreement can be as simple as a quick conversation with head nodding, but can also be written if there are lots of moving parts or several individuals involved. Head nods, handshakes, signed agreements or even texts all suffice as acknowledgment that everyone understands.

From Work to Home

Maybe I expect you home for dinner at a specific time or expect the laundry to be done, and those expectations aren’t met. Sounds like trouble, but even if they are met … ho-hum, that’s what I expected.

If you really want to set yourself up for pleasant surprises, then experiment at home by showing up without expectations. Imagine losing those expectations and not having all the frustrations that come with them. Imagine coming to agreements on matters that require cooperation rather than just expecting things to get done.

Is this really possible? Yes, it really is, and it doesn’t take long to begin having a lot more fun and a lot fewer arguments. Eliminating expectations offers a way of showing up that doesn’t require you to prove your rightness. You can choose to be happy instead of right.

Relationships at work and at home become easier when we learn to make agreements rather than have expectations. Turn your expectations into agreements and be pleasantly surprised.